It's a Mother-Effin' Walk Off!

Dear Los Angeles,

I'm really getting pretty sick of this rain, so go ahead and quit it. Thanks. Also, I'd like it if we could sort of corral all the really crazy homeless people and put 'em in one place; that'd be just delightful. I'm totally fine with the regular-level crazies staying where they are, my nervousness is relegated only to those crazies who look like they might spontaneously start pooping in the middle of a crowded intersection, or try to murder me. I really get very uncomfortable when someone is shouting very vehemently at the air and I'm trapped in my car having to watch the whole thing while constantly avoiding making eye contact. I know, I know, I'm too sensitive.

So, speaking of crazy people in LA, how fantastic is "The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love?" Ummmmmm....SUPER FANTASTIC! (is the right response). Monday nights have become the highlight of my week because I get to see these very pretty, seemingly normal (well not all of them seem normal - I'm looking at you Crazy Boots Michelle) women duke it out for one dude who honestly doesn't even seem that cool. I mean sure, Jake Pavelka is a pilot. That's neat. Also, he is very pretty and has abs that make me incoherent, but he's just so vanilla. I would say one out of every three things he says isn't boring. That's why I wish he'd stop blabbering on so much and let the real nutballs have their moment in the sun.

Michelle, the aforementioned #1 crazy, got kicked off last week. This wasn't a big surprise, but I'm sure the producers were devastated because she was reality TV gold. Every time she spoke to Jake one-on-one she would tell him she was only there to fall in love with him and if he didn't feel the same way, she should just leave. The girl literally packed and re-packed her suitcases three times. Finally, Jake forced her hand and told her it would probably be best if she just left. Poor Michelle was flabbergasted and even said, "I can't believe you're actually doing it." I'm sorry Michelle. Really? You REALLY can't believe he's doing it? What I can't believe is the idea that Michelle has been roaming free in the wild for the last seven years. Like, just think what she's like on the dating scene when she's not being filmed... gloriousness. God, I'd love it so so so much if somehow she got her own show. I doubt it'll happen - crazy people are a big gamble, after all - but man would it be a treat.

My number one pick right now is Ali, the advertising account manager from San Fran. I'm worried though that I only like her the most because she seems the most normal, which doesn't mean she'll win. I really get emotionally invested in these shows. Which makes it so hard when a girl I like gets the boot. I guess the good news for this season is I really don't like many of the girls.

Don't worry, I'll keep you posted on all the goings-on and let you know if I hear anything juicy!

High Five,

The Comedy Bitch