Tuesday, March 16, 2010


Wow, busy couple of weeks. Let me start off by saying, man did I call the Oscars or what??! Ok, I was waaaaaaaaay off with Best Picture, but I still haven't seen the Hurt Locker, and thus cannot give my true critique of it. I was super-psyched to see Katherine Bigelow be the first-ever woman to win Best Director, though. And my God, Sandy! That dress! That speech! You were everything I had hoped for and more. Sadly, I didn't end up being able to DVR the show. Stupid, stupid, stupid of me, I know. I was able to watch at my restaurant, though. The only down side of that was the occasional interruption from people who, ya know, wanted stuff for their meal. Ugh, RUDE. There was another down side, and that was the lack of volume. Yeah, I watched the Oscars in silence, which really doesn't suck as much as one think it might. You still get the gist, if not the exact sentiment, of what people are saying.

Moving on, I'd like to take this blog to say some things to people about dining in a restaurant. First of all, it is SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE (to say the least) to tip less than 15%. It's 2010, not 1975, and you tipping me 10% aint' gonna pay the bills. So let's just get that out there. Secondly, can I please just take one moment to lament the jokesters that come into my restaurant? Please and thank you. Today I had a couple at a table, who upon first glance appeared normal. This JOKESTER (and trust me, this isn't an affectionate term. When I say 'jokester' I mean a man/woman [usually old, though not always] who is constantly zinging you with bad/cheesy jokes) was a young-ish African-American man who was dressed well. His female counterpart was dressed slightly less snazzily, and I can only assume they were friends from high school or distant relatives. Basically it was an awkward duo, to say the least.

Anyway, when I first greeted the table, I say, "Hello, and Welcome. I'm Kimberly, and I'll be your server today." To which the jokester replies, "Hello Kimberly! We just got married today." He then gestures to the woman across from him. I say, "Oh, wow! Congratulations!" He says, "Yeah, we also got divorced today." At which point, his female companion laughs uproariously.

Now, call me slow or bitter, but I just don't see how on any planet that is funny. Maybe they really did just get divorced, or maybe she's secretly in love with him and thinks his particular brand of humor is funny, but seriously? Dude, I'm just trying to do my job and get through a Monday lunch. Ya heard?

Another prime example of this is a few months back when I waited on an older white couple (approximately in their 70s) when I asked the man if he wanted another iced tea. Does he just say, "sure, thanks!" No, because God knows that would just be too easy and regular. He says, "Whoa, better not! I'm driving later." And of course, his lady friend cracks up. Maybe she was drunk. I don't know. The point is, in the rest of my life I can kind of be bitchy and just ignore the jokester. But here's the problem at work: I have to pretend you're funny and laugh every single time you zing me. Couldn't we just maintain a distant/friendly relationship where occasionally I say something witty relating to food and you are just glad to have pleasant service at a restaurant? I think that would be just swell.

Also, if you could go ahead and please tip me 20% America, it would really make my day.

High Five!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Countdown to the Oscars!

The Oscars are only three days away and I'm soooooo super-psyched. The Oscars are for me what the Superbowl is for most dudes. Seriously, I love everything about it. The gowns, the speeches, everything. I've been a little out of touch this awards season, though because I've been working so much. Lame, I know. I won't actually get to see the Oscars live (a real drag because my friend Mary is hosting what is sure to be a fabulous Oscar-themed cocktail party. Sigh.), but I will be DVR-ing them and watching them as soon as I get home. The following is my breakdown on the "BIG" categories.

And the nominees are...Avatar, The Blind Side, District 9, An Education, The Hurt Locker, Inglorious Basterds, Precious, A Serious Man, Up, Up in the Air.

I'd like to start off by saying I HATE HATE HATE the fact that there are ten best picture nominees this year. I'm all about traditions when it comes to the Oscars, and this is like grandma showing up with a sassy new piercing at Christmastime. It's just wrong. I've seen all of the nominees with the exception of The Hurt Locker (still really wanna see that one), Precious (though I know it's supposed to be amazing, not sure I can get through the incestuous rape, etc), and A Serious Man (still want to see this one as well). And of the ones I've seen I really think only District 9, An Education, Avatar, and Up are Best Picture quality movies. I enjoyed Up in the Air - for God's sake you could put George Clooney in a movie that combined incessant sports references and really difficult math problems (my two least favorite things in the world) and I'd still see it - but Best Picture? Methinks not.

My pick? I'd say I think District 9 should win because the story was one of the most compelling I've seen. It's an impressive film that can make you root for the aliens that have big guns and have landed on Earth for unknown reasons. A close second would be Up for me. That movie had so much heart, and one of the most beautiful love stories I've seen. Don't even get me started on Dug the dog. Perfection.

And the nominees are...Sandra Bullock, Helen Mirren, Carey Mulligan, Gabourey Sidibe, and Meryl Streep.

In this category I'm rooting hard for Sandy. I can't help it, and neither can you, America! The woman is so damn likable it's absurd. She has said in interviews there's no way she'll win because she always picks the winners, and "nine times out of ten" she's right. Well, Sandy, I think this is the time you're wrong. You showed an emotional range we haven't seen before from you, and you took what could have been a very static character and turned in a very layered, elegant performance. Well done, miss. It bears mentioning that I think Meryl was AMAZING in Julie and Julia, but let's be honest, the lady is amazing in everything. If it doesn't go to Sandy, give it to Meryl.

And the nominees are...Jeff Bridges, George Clooney, Colin Firth, Jeremy Renner, and Morgan Freeman.

This category makes it painfully obvious how much I need to see The Hurt Locker. Immediately. Anywho, I think there's only one way this category will go. And I'm looking at you, The Dude. Seriously, if you have not yet seen Crazy Heart run as fast as you can to the nearest theater and do whatever you must to see it. It's amazing. The music alone was perfect and beautiful (giving a little street cred to country music), and Jeff Bridges was Bad Blake. I think maybe the best performance in any category. I said it, I'll say it again. I love you, Mr. Bridges.

So that's my two cents. We'll see how it all shakes out on Sunday. I'm eager to see how Steve and Alec do as hosts, though I can't imagine they'll do poorly. They're both so damn funny. And in my eyes (personal life aside, because WOW) Alec Baldwin is spot on every single time. So, Academy, I'm ready to be wowed! Don't let me down.

High Five

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Well Bless Her Heart

I got a thai massage yesterday, and to say that it was intense is like saying Justin Timberlake is sort of attractive to women. Yeahhhhhhhhh. This woman whose name sounds like "Weep" was my masseuse and when she asked me if I wanted it soft, medium, or hard, I said medium. I should have asked for baby angel whisper kiss softness, because "medium" involved some serious pain. Like elbows dug so hard and deeply into my upper back I had to remind myself to keep breathing.

Afterwards I was extremely relaxed. I'm pretty sure it's because my body was beaten so badly that some weird chemicals were released to mitigate the pain. Last night was also season finale of "The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love," which I'd been looking forward to all week. It was down to Vienna (the deluxe white trash former Hooters girl) and Tenley ( the too-perfect and boring wannabe dancer). It was hard going into this season finale because I wasn't really rooting for either of the girls. I was, however, rooting much much much less for Vienna because that bitch is trash-ayyyy.

SPOILER ALERT! For those of you who missed it (perhaps because you have something cooler going on) Vienna was Jake's choice. He proposed to her on a ridiculously beautiful balcony in St. Lucia. Cut to the "After the Final Rose" special where poor Tenley is contractually required to show up and ask the most uncomfortable questions in the world. Like, "Why aren't you sexually attracted to me, Jake?" Ugh. The pinnacle was Vienna and Jake slow dancing to "On the Wings of Love" performed live by Jeffrey Osbourne approximately two feet away. Soooo wonderfully awkward. Then in a shocking turn, Jake was revealed as one of the newest cast members on Dancing with the Stars. All I can say is what the what?! And I know you're with me, America.

High Five!